I was watching the local news this week, and they did a great story about National Adoption Month, which is going on this November. This is a subject near and dear to me and my wife, having been fortunate to adopt our son over 26 years ago.
Like every parent, the person I was before I had a child is very different than the person I've been since. The wild ride that is parenting last a lifetime for every parent. But for most people those day to day parenting responsibilities end in the early 20s, give or take a few years.
I have friends that comment about how much they miss their children now that they are out of the house, in some cases moved far away. For me (and likely my wife, though I won't speak on her behalf), these conversations bring a smile to my face along with an assuring nod of my head for my friends.
But yet, I cannot relate. You see, as the parent of a special needs kid, I don't have that problem. While my son is highly functioning, he is at home with us and will likely never live on his own.
Initially, this was a terrible fate in my mind. But as is so often in life, challenges become opportunities. Having a special needs kid has plenty of challenges, and a few of them will still occasionally keep me up at night. My biggest fear is caring for our son once my wife and I each pass, or can no longer care for ourselves and him. Yep, that one still sticks with me and is in my thoughts often. But beyond that, the challenges we face have become opportunities.
It's true, I'll never have grandkids. And I think I would have been a kick ass grandpa. But you know what? What I'm missing out there, I'm gaining in other ways like having lots of extra time with my own kid. I know lots of parents who would love the chance to go have lunch, go shopping and hang out with their kid. These are all things I've done this morning. What a blessing!
Never in a million years did I expect to be an advocate for minority - special needs adoption. But here we are. There are so many kids in this country and around the world that just need love and attention. For whatever reason, becoming a parent the 'normal way' was not meant to be for us. But the plan all along in our mind was to become a family. We were asked about minority adoption as an alternative, and so we thought it through. Saying yes was not an immediate thing for us, but close. What mattered to us all along was that we become a family. Now, it did matter for some members of our family that we were adopting a baby that wasn't like us. And while there were some things to work through on that front, it was amazing to see the transformation made in the hearts of those individuals.
Over the years, we've had some odd looks as we go through life because our family "looks different." Those looks have come from all races and ages. Without exception, our response has been to simply smile and move on. Once people get past different skin tones, they will quickly see love. And love is the basis for a family, not genetics.
Our family faces its share of challenges, just like everyone else. But we have, and will continue to face them head on, and together. One of those challenges currently is filling the world, and especially our son's world with positive thoughts, energy and memories. More so that material things, we've placed a premium on shared positive experiences.
There are several reasons for this. First off, we have everything we need and most everything we want. More things will not fill our heads with memories that last longer than a few moments, and give us lasting smiles on our faces. Also, we've literally seen through medical testing how our son's brain responds to positive things vs. negative. Unfortunately for him, and I suspect for a lot of people, the negative reaction in his brain is stronger and lasts significantly longer than positive reactions. Our response to this is to fill his world with as many positive experiences and memories he can draw from as possible. Finally, shared experiences are just more fun.
Recently, we've started sharing those shared experiences online. For years, we've checked in on Facebook so that each morning we can start the day off remembering past fun and adventures that we've had. Taking that to the next level, we've started sharing our adventures for good food, exciting destinations and interesting attractions on a brand new website - Much2Bdone.com.
Over the years, we've been encouraged to start a website documenting our travels, sharing our adventures and tips. This site is our answer for that, but also another way to share positive memories with our son long after we've returned from that destination. And we love to share those positive memories with you too. Please drop by the site often, as we regularly update the photos, videos and stories of our adventures. From trips all around the country, to Alaska, Hawaii, Europe and more, you'll see why we say that there is still so much to be done. And if you feel so inclined,we'd love it if you liked us on Facebook.
Adoption is not the normal path in life. But if the destination is a family, then it is a beautiful journey to take. It has been for us. Our official adoption day is in October, and we always celebrate that day. This year, it fell during a vacation to Hawaii. And now throughout this month we celebrate more with National Adoption Day.
If you're interested in adopting, I'd love to speak with you and tell more about our story. There are also tons of good resources available online to help navigate the process.
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