The typical conversation at work around the world I imagine on a Monday morning almost always involves asking or being asked this very simple question: how was your weekend?
For me today, the answer was quickly followed up with “Oh, I’m sorry” by the person who asked. This past weekend for me, while there was sorrow it was also a powerful reminder of how to live your life. That’s a lesson I learned this weekend attending a funeral.
I worked with Mark Maley for about a year, but my gosh it seemed so much longer in a positive way. Maley was a solid community journalist who came in to lead the Elkhart Truth newspaper where I was publisher. He inherited a tough situation, and responded the only way he knew how. He rolled up his sleeves and got to work.
Very few times in my career as a manager have I been out worked by a co-worker. I often say I’m not the smartest guy in the world, so I have to make up for it with hard work. Maybe that’s why Mark and I got along so well, because his work ethic was cut from the same cloth as mine.
People in the newspaper business are said to have ink in their blood, and I believe that is true. So very often as you will frequently see people leave the industry only to return because they miss it. The pace of work, the stress of deadline and the thrill of scooping the competition on a big story are very addictive, and just not something that can be easily replaced by other jobs.
Mark loved all of those. I remember talking to him one Sunday afternoon, concerned about the number of hours he’d worked that week. He almost giggled as he told me why he did it. He loved the pace of the newsroom, and the action that he got to be a part of.
Running a newsroom was probably better than any hobby he could have taken up. One of the few passions he had besides work and family was his love of the Chicago White Sox. So obviously he wasn’t great at picking hobbies! Sorry, I had to get one last dig on him for being a White Sox fan.
Saying goodbye is never easy. I recall vividly saying goodbye to my brother who died of cancer a few years ago. Walking away and heading to the airport knowing that was the last time I’d see him was tough. And as tough as it no doubt was for Mark to say goodbye, he did it with class, dignity and an incredible sense of humor.
While Mark and I traded text messages towards the end of his life, the last time I actually talked with him was the day he told me he had six to nine months to live. And live he planned to do, as he told me that he was going to keep working and plan his memorial service.
He made the announcement to the public of his illness a few days later. Within a few weeks of that, he was in hospice and then gone very quickly after that. I didn’t think he had much of a chance to plan out that memorial service. But leave it to Mark to not miss a deadline as he planned it out.
Our traditional funeral is very sad. The soundtrack is often old organ or piano music, lots of pictures from years gone by and plenty of tears. That’s not how I want my funeral, and I guess that is what Mark thought as well.
Walking in the front door was a buffet of candy. Enough sugar to keep a dentist in business for years with all the cavities it would produce. A few years before I met Mark, he and his wife Debbie were running a small candy store and he wanted to share. We were encouraged to grab some of Mark’s favorite candy. Thank you Mark for the Lemonheads!
In the main room were the typical chairs all lined up. What was not typical was the gift Mark instructed be placed on each chair; a Diet Coke. What I haven’t touched on here, but has been chronicled by many is Mark’s ability to pound down Diet Coke. I have never seen before, and likely will never see again someone who could drink that many. Stock warning – if you own Coca-Cola stock, they very likely will see a significant drop in sales in the Madison, Wisconsin area now that Mark has passed.
The point of all this is, live your life to the very end. And if you get the chance to plan your own memorial service, keep living. And you live by laughing; at yourself, at others, at the situation you find yourself in.
I’m currently reading a book about baseball great Sparky Anderson. He managed the Big Red Machine as they were called, the Cincinnati Reds in the 1970’s and then the Detroit Tigers. Sparky won World Series championships as an American and National League manager. Sparky was known to frequently say that there was always room for a smile. As Spark would say, “It don’t hurt to feel good. More people oughta try it once in a while.” Life is even better when you can make other people around you feel good, which Mark was a pro at doing.
You learn a lot about a person by the way they die. I’ve recommended the book “The Last Lecture” more than any other book I’ve read. It has frankly changed my life. Don’t want to read the book, watch the video. They are different, but both can drive home the point.
I don’t know if Mark Maley had ever seen that video of Randy Pausch or not. Instead, he did his own. I’ve not started planning my funeral, but when I do I hope I can pull off such a touching tribute to my friends, my family and all that are dear to me.
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